so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
