So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
