I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
