he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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