When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
