Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
