Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
