I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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