we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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