Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
