just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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