420 ftw
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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