I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
