its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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