i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nutella sex= disaster
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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