I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
