It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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