Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
