Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
