i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
