Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm jealous of your bromance
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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