I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
