come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
