So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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