My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
