And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
