I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
