It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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