I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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