how can u be prego again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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