you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
