watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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