Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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