I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
