what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
