Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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