I must be too annoying 4 u.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
