I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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