im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
