And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
