I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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