I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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