so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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