ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
