Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
