You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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