would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
