Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
