just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
