Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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