I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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